When you have a single that goes into the charts at number 68, you might as well start packing your Hello Kitty suitcase-on-wheels and go onto thetrainline.com and get a ticket home. Which is what skin-crawlingly creepy X Factory ‘winner’ Joe McElderry has finally done.
Just 16 months ago, he was telling the News of the Screws that he was ‘straight, but girls can wait’ (well, if they’re waiting they’re going to have a pretty long slog of it) until an ex-boyfriend popped up and ‘brave’ Joe did the right thing and came out. But 16 months is a long time in pop (it’s over a year!) and it turned out that though the lovely Essex boy Olly Murs came second, he still has a platinum record and three nights at the Hammersmith [Sponsored by someone] Place Where Concerts Are Held.
Well, the gay-denying to one side, Joe was simply shit, no one wanted to buy his records (not even little girls and they’ll buy anything if you have a toothy grin) and now he has been dropped by Simon Cowell’s record label Syco and has had to move out of his west London flat and back in with his mum in South Shields.
We hear they’re hiring at Lady Footlocker, Joe.