‘Derek just wants to move on with his life.’ And get bummed.


Cheryl Cole and Derek Hough

Cheryl Cole’s big gay boyfriend Derek Hough – here seen in light colours – has apparently dumped Cheryl Cole because he got jealous that she was seeking solace during ‘this very difficult time’ (Shift: ‘Difficult’) with her ex-husband Ashley Cole, which is PR strategy Part 11.4 done with.

‘It was just not working out,’ says Derek’s stepfather, for which he received a Licorice Allsort by way of a reward.

Meanwhile, according to another story made up on the spot by the work experience (they’re getting good these work experiences! They should get paid!), Cheryl Cole is to ‘defect from ITV to BBC and front hit new singing show The Voice.’

First of all, how do they know whether it’s a ‘hit’ when it hasn’t even started yet?

Second of all, how dare they drag Her Majesty’s BBC into this farce. This farcical farce.

Thricely, Cheryl Cole fronting a show called ‘The Voice’? We’ll be the judge of that.

And c) and d).

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3 comments to “‘Derek just wants to move on with his life.’ And get bummed.”

  1. Traj. Ick

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  2. She’s more butch than him, innit?

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  3. Is it me, or does he look like a classic bottom from a Falcon movie?

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