We agree that Joss Stone can be slightly annoying, but murdering her with a sword is a little over the top, non?


OK, so she’s not well liked. Maybe it was the American accent she came back from *checks notes* America with. Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t go on the crack like certain other white singers with soul pretensions. Maybe it was the fact that she’s from Devon. Whatever it was/is, there’s no denying that while Amy Winehouse could drug/beat/tattoo/pee herself into our hearts, Joss only had to put an aubergine rinse through her hair and we were up. In. Arms.

Well, it seems some people have taken their dislike for the Stone – or their greed for her money – to extraordinary lengths and have been caught apparently about to rob and murder her with some swords. In this day and age.

Like something out of Charles Manson’s family, two men were caught in a car – and this in Devon! – armed with swords, ropes, aerial photographs of Joss Stone’s house, a body bag, a bag of Haribo Tangfastics and a can of imposter Red Bull.

The men are currently being held in cells and a reassuring officer with a quaint accent has said, ‘Our officers are currently carrying out reassurance patrols and it’s important to stress that no properties have been burgled and no individuals have been harmed.’

Duffy, meanwhile, has entered her panic room.

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2 comments to “We agree that Joss Stone can be slightly annoying, but murdering her with a sword is a little over the top, non?”

  1. :0000))))

    (I can’t be bothered writing)

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  2. I have an airtight alibi. I was at home alone washing my hands.

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