Will straight men please not put suntan lotion on each other’s backs because it makes them look gay according to The Daily Cunt


No wonder gay footballers are so afeared of coming out – and straight ones feel like they have to shag every known female to prove they’re straight – when all you have to do is rub a bit of suntan lotion on the back of one of your mates to get the nudge-nudge, wink-wink treatment from the talented journalists at The Daily Cunt.

Pictured here is the surely everyday scene of Manchester City (it’s a football team) player Gareth Berry putting sun protection on team mate Joe Hart. Not applying KY Jelly to his rectum, just putting a bit of the old SPF on the bit he couldn’t reach.

‘The Manchester City player (they actually say ‘played’ but you have to read between the lines with The Cunt ’cause they can’t spell) paid considerable attention to ensuring his 24-year-old teammate didn’t get burnt,’ slavered someone old and smelly at The Cunt.

‘While other footballers have been caught with their hands on women who are not their wives,’ typed the person with one hand as the other was down the front of his cheap suit trousers, ‘the only person Gareth Barry has been touching is his teammate Joe Hart…

‘They looked more like an old married couple than football players,’ one holiday maker (ie it’s made up) told The News of the World (so it’s not even an original story, it’s a story three days old taken from another newspaper: the quality of the journalism leaves one, frankly, humbled).

‘The Manchester City midfielder was certainly paying plenty of attention to ensure his friend didn’t fall foul of the strong rays,’ it goes on. What a dirty, butt-fucking gay pervert!

And then, having run three pictures of the same event (all taken from the same spot), they ran a picture of the pair of them in a nightclub with one of them – wait for it, you’ll be appalled – resting his hand on the other’s – are you ready for this? Turn away if you are of a sensitive disposition – shoulder! Yes! In public! ‘Dancing buddies? As well as soaking up the sunshine the boys hit XS nightclub… The boys seemed to be enjoying themselves as they partied in the opulent nightclub…’

People: please grow up.

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Will straight men please not put suntan lotion on each other's backs because it makes them look gay according to The Daily Cunt, 7.8 out of 10 based on 4 ratings

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One comment to “Will straight men please not put suntan lotion on each other’s backs because it makes them look gay according to The Daily Cunt”

  1. To be fair, Joe Hart is fucking hot. I’m not surprised the other one couldn’t keep his hands off him.

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