Finally, the American government spends money on something useful.

Men in Speedos

When they’re not busy sending rockets into the sky and offering free re-fills to every Tom, Dick and Linda (during a recession, people!), the US of Americas is spending its money on conducting studies into whether cock size affects gay men’s sexual preferences.

Like, finally!

More specifically, a study by the National Institute of Health in 2009 (someone’s slow on the uptake!) called ‘The Association Between Penis Size and Sexual Health Among Men Who Have Sex With Men’ (mmmn, snappy!) tried to find correlations between the size of a gennelmen caller’s penis and whether he is a top or a bottom.

And apparently, there are correlations! *faints*

Let’s do a graph, only without drawing a graph:

– Above average cock = Top

– Average cock = Versatile

– Below average cock = Bottom

*changes CV*

The results were based on a survey of more than 1,000 gay and bisexual men in New York – which is at least more than L’Oreal can manage when studying the effects of its Volume Million Lashes Mascara – with some newspapers in the Americas claiming the study cost, you know, hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars.

*does the math; gets a semi*

‘This country is broke and we cannot spend money on this kind of stuff!’ said Andrea Lafferty, president of the Traditional Values Coalition, and who describes herself as a greedy bottom.

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2 comments to “Finally, the American government spends money on something useful.”

  1. From my experience, the bigger the dick, the more bottom the guy is….lol

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  2. I have a big dick and I’m a total top so I concur with those findings. *gets out rubber stamp*

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