Risotto ‘n’ wooden spoon brings out David’s eyes


David Beckham cooking

This is a picture of David Beckham after having cooked a delicious risotto. Or, seeing as he’s in the Americas, ree-zow-toe.

The Daily Cunt alone is in awe of the man, claiming him, in light of this culinary revelation, to be ‘perfect’.

‘Despite all of his parental commitments – and not to mention the commercial ones – the LA Galaxy football player still found time to cook a delicious-looking risotto whilst his wife Victoria took a break after recently giving birth to daughter Harper Seven.’

It’s shit like this that bides their time until the shit hits the fan, ifyouknowwhatwe’resayin’… *pats hair, etc.*

So, back to the nitty la gritty… David Beckham, who is seen wearing his hair to the right, has, as a multi-millionaire tip-top starlet, found time in his multi-millionaire tip-top schedule to make what has to be one of the faffiest dishes known to dolly. It’s not like rice, you know, which, you know, you just boil or buy from China Palace or stick in a microwave in a kind-to-trees bag, as you go about your business. Risotto takes time, stirring, watching, stirring some more, watching, stirring some more, stirring some more, stirring, stirring, stirring some more. Stirring. And he’s an OBE!

Rich people are just darn clever!

And, in between cooking risotto – with handy notes to the right just in case he forgets the stirring bit – David Beckham and his wife, Victoria Beckham, 30-something, brown hair, have found time to rent this Malibu mansion from Steven Spielberg, at a cost of $150,000 a month. Rich people are just darn clever!


Steven Spielberg's Malibu mansion

ps. For $150,00o a month you’d want more than a bunch o’ rocks for a beach, right?

*calls ombudsman*

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More dolly #content:

3 comments to “Risotto ‘n’ wooden spoon brings out David’s eyes”

  1. Are we sure he’s not just stirring baby shit? Because that’s what it looks like. Lends a whole new sinister reading to that expression of his.

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  2. As someone who can make a mean risotto, I’d say he’s over-stirred that so the rice is breaking up and the whole thing is turning to slurry. So not quite so ‘perfect’. I still would, though.

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  3. Where’s the pool?
    It does, doesn’t it?

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