Grazia, the magazine for women with fat ankles that never knowingly puts anything true on the cover (‘Jen back with Brad’, ‘Britney back with Justin’, ‘Freddie Mercury back with Queen’, ‘Queen Victoria back with John Brown’) has had to admit they are big fat (we’ve worked there, we’re not speaking metaphorically here) liars.
Yes, it turns out that the cover featuring Kate Middleton getting married was slimmed down. Even though they swore blind it wasn’t. ‘Not us, Miss. Miss! It’s not lipstick it’s Strawberry LipSalve’.
Well, even though we covered it in a half-hearted kind of way – we were busy that day, finishing off a tapestry and flea-treating the kittens – someone went to the trouble of reporting the magazine to the Press Complaints Commission, whereupon Grazia discovered it was an accident by the repro team. You know, hand slipped, that sort of thing.
‘Grazia would like to reassure all our readers that we did not purposely make any alternations to the Duchess of Cambridge’s image to make her appear slimmer,’ they said (and we’re an ovum). ‘And we are sorry if this process gave that impression.’
Can anyone smell the stench of outsize granny knickers on fire?