Over at London’s glittering Vogue magazine, Kate Moss is talking about her wedding, past tense. She is wearing a green coat which is red on the inside, teamed with a what can only be described as a black vest. This is Vogue, after all! Her hair is tousled, but not over so, and she speaks with a glottal stop. So do we, but that’s not for us to say.
If we were in a band – especially a shit one – we’d marry her too. If we were a girl, we’d be her. If we were a lady, we’d be the very same person we are already. And if we were gay, we’d be greedy bottoms.
Meanwhile, over in Closer magazine, BeShine (she really is called BeShine. Though we think it should be spelt BeSxxine) has given an in-depth and heart-felt interview about her size 166XXX breasts. They’re the biggest in the world, and she can’t stand up in the shower without toppling over.
‘She’s putting enormous pressure on her back,’ said Dr Sarah Jarvis. Who could be anyone. Is anyone.