This is David Beckham with a bald patch. The world has now gone into freefall.


david beckham bald patch

‘Goldenballs seemed to have a chink in his tonsorial armour,’ exclaims the Daily Mail which, although a cunt of a publication, is quite thorough.

Tonsorial armour?

What most people are calling a ‘bald patch’ on the head of someone who has made a career out of their hair means only one thing… a glut of features in all the dailies and the weeklies (we’re afraid lead-times on monthlies just don’t allow such newsy editorial) about what it means for powerful men to lose their hair. Imagine the scenario in conference (it’s what they call a ‘features meeting’ in magazine world. Means you get to expense a Pret Platter):

Workie, laiden with cuts from papers/notes scribbled on a Post-It, hair tied in a scrunchy so that you know she means business: ‘It’s all about bald.’

Editor, pen in mouth: ‘Speak to me!’

Workie, now sweating, but only slightly: ‘Like, David Beckham. He’s, like, got a bald patch.’

Editor: ‘I thought famous people didn’t go bald. I got a press release and everything.’

Workie, now sweating profusely: ‘That’s all changed since the coalition. It’s all about real.’

Editor: ‘Hmmm.’ (Editor looks around at her deputies. Deputies avoid eye-contact.) ‘I’m going to need some evidence of this. Our magazine is known for its integrity, after all.’

Workie, now feeling the left side of her face sloping: ‘Erm, there’s a picture. Picture Desk got it through yesterday. They’re saying it’s real.’

Editor: ‘But do we have budget for this?’

Workie, now having lost sensation down one side of her body: ‘Erm, it’s a pap shot. Don’t think we need a shoot. But we will need to get a name journalist to write 2,500 words on ‘The Samson Effect in a Post-Post-Post Modern Society’, which will then have to be re-written by someone who can actually write.’

Editor: ‘Love it. Also, chairs.’

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2 comments to “This is David Beckham with a bald patch. The world has now gone into freefall.”

  1. He should shave it all off and become a bear.

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  2. when he’s old and bald them tats are gonna look even more riddick than they do now. oh the humanity.

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