A study conducted by a religious university claims homosexuality can be cured. There’s a clue in the title.

Jesus in cheese 'n' toast

A couple of psychology professors at religious universities in the U of S of As – both of whom want Jesus for a sunbeam – claim they have evidence that homosexuality can be ‘cured’. And we don’t mean in the ham kind of way.

Mark Yarhouse of Regent University and Stanton Jones of Wheaton College reckon that a whole quarter of the people who were subjected to their halitosis (we hate to stereotype) over a period of up to seven years (that’s a whole lot of bumming, kids!) were able to change their sexual orientation. From gay to non-gay. Believe!

Mark and Stanton – or ‘Manton’ – followed 98 ‘patients’ who attended the Exodus Ministries, a place where not only does everybody know your name and your business, but where ‘any individual can experience freedom (from homosexuality) through the support of caring individuals and the healing power of Jesus Christ’.

This is the same man who can’t even appear in cheese and toast convincingly.

As well as the quarter who apparently became straight (poor bastards), another 23% became celibate (poor bastards), whilst the rest just went for the free doughnuts.

Everyone who isn’t a resident of Crazy Town disagrees with this study.

And we’re just really, really gay.

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5 comments to “A study conducted by a religious university claims homosexuality can be cured. There’s a clue in the title.”

  1. Religious university sounds to me like a contender for oxymoron, with the emphasis on the moron.

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  2. Oh they can just fuck right off.

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  3. Ooh, I got to get me one of their degrees. ‘Dr’ Gillian ‘Pixie Witch’ McKeith would probably look down her (witchy) nose at the credentials of this place.

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  4. I reject all degrees from such institutions. If you can’t let go of fairytales by adulthood, you really have no business up in my business. So there.

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  5. […] Organized by the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for Family – also responsible for Elton John’s White Tie and Tiara Ball – the invite alone rivals other great religious art works including Da Vinci’s Last Supper and Jesus on a Cheese Toastie. […]

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