What would Brian Sewell say?

Jeremy Sheffield Coronation Street

Hot off the press! (Also known as overhearing a conversation between Jeremy Sheffield and a friend in a cafe in London’s Soho-y Soho): Jeremy Sheffield is joining the cast of Coronation Street!

Jeremy Sheffield is what is known in the business as a homo.

Brian Sewell is what is know in the business as a homophobe. He may know a hot damn about art, but he doesn’t know hot shit about anything else.

Brian Sewell said not so long ago that it was a bad thing – that is a bad thing – that there are so many homosexuals in Coronation Street. He called it ‘sexual propaganda’. He said that having so many (we italicized two words there. How gay are we!) homosexuals in Coronation Street does not reflect real life. He said that viewers were having their ‘noses rubbed in it’. So far, so the homophobe’s tired old rhetoric.

There are currently four gays in Coronation Street. Out of approximately 60 characters, and that’s not including Emily who’s just a cunt. Which is less than 10%, which doesn’t even make it the national average.

However! *dramatic pause* There have been 16 murders, 6 suicides, countless divorces (we got fed up of Googling), bigamy (and lots of it!), a tram crashing into the street killing, you know, lots, hostage situations, burials under factory floors, ugly people shagging hot people (and vice versa!), Deirdre Rashid being put in prison, 27 people living in a two-up/two-down, creepy Gail getting tail, etc. Just your average street in Manchesterford!

But homophobes – like religious crazies – are rather dab-hands at choosing the bits that support their cuntiness. That’s because they’re cunts.

BacktoJeremySheffield… he’s playing Becky’s new love interest, Danny. Who one assumes is a straight man. Yes it’s true factual fans – gays can play straights! We hear it’s called acting. We think it might be the future. The kind where everyone zips around on hover boards.

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4 comments to “What would Brian Sewell say?”

  1. A friend of mine does that there Bikram Yoga and said that lovely Jeremy attended once. In the showers he got to seem him sans clothes and instantly nicknamed him jawbreaker, such was the majesty of his peen.

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  2. Jawbreaker? My goodness. Amen to that, Sister!

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  3. hallelujah! i do enjoy a majestic peen.

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  4. He eyed me up once. I was looking particularly good that day.
    He hasn’t eyed me up since.

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