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Lady Gaga is bumming this. Hooray!

Taylor Kinney

He is Taylor Kinney, he is a man, he has a cigarette tucked behind his ear – like so – he is a man, and Lady Gaga is schtuppin’ him till her heart’s content. And he is a man.

Now we go drink.

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Rating: 8.3/10 (6 votes cast)

Two showbiz splits, one naked man.

Gethin Jones Attitude


Katy Perry and Russell Brand have split up, after not a very long time together. We hate to be cocky about these things – not on an empty stomach, anyway (it’s New Year’s Eve. Of course our stomachs are empty. This isn’t our first time at the rodeo, you know!) – but we predicted this would happen on the very day – the very day – of their marriage. We know! It’s one of the reason’s God loves us!

Re. this particular split, we couldn’t give a fuck. Not even a flying one.

Katherine Jenkins and Gethin Jones – off-of Wales – have also split up. They weren’t married, but they were engaged. This we do give a fuck about – a big old flying fuck – because they are almost quite possibly the loveliest people in the business of shows, and we’d also like to have bummings with Gethin.

And in honour of our empathetic hearts that are broken in two, maybe three, here’s a close-up of Gethin’s chest. Wethankyou.


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A ‘from this… to this!’ story.


From this…

Marc Jacobs 2004

To this…!


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Robbie Williams says he would go gay for pay. Which, seeing as he doesn’t need the money, just makes him gay.

Robbie Williams gay

That’s just how our minds roll. You should try it. It’s easy when you know how.

But down to the dicky-gritty. Robbie Williams, who looks like he fell asleep on a newspaper – and not one of your quality ones, either! – has said he would go gay for pay. (We don’t think it needs hyphenating in that context.) In an interview or other, where the public ask the questions (whatever next, votes for women?), one public asked about bumming.

‘How much would it take for you to have sex with a man?’ he/she/he-she asked.

‘It’s £2million for Santa, but it’s a freebie for Brad Pitt,’ replied Robbie, whilst sniffing a bottle of poppers. Or a scented candle.

And our work here is done.

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Sinead O’Connor ends fourth marriage after 16 days. Which means she’s been married at least three times before.

Sinead O'Connor

Sinead O’Connor – who had a hit with the song ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ quite some time ago and has never, ever, ever had a high-falutin’ song in the hit parade since – has announced she has split from her fourth husband. See above. He’s no oil painting. Not even one drawn with Crayons.

He was, fact fans, the result of her online quest for cock. He even replied. Not even in jest.

Sinead O’Connor, who has managed to maintain public interest despite only ever having one hit song – that she didn’t even write herself, lazy bitch – announced the split on her website. The announcement – which we won’t be repeating, not even in jest – contains lots of typos. It is not very well written. Which is ironic bearing in mind her brother is a very good writer. Though sometimes, one person does get all the genes.

Also, in the most part, we agree that women of a certain age shouldn’t have overly long hair. Sinead O’Connor should, however, consider having some. Even Lisa Stansfield ditched the kiss curl after the first album.

Sinead O’Connor, 45 if a day, once had a hit with ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’. It even made her cry.

ps. Don’t marry ’em, fuck ’em.


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A Christmas message from the Queen of Wales

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Rating: 10.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Koch by name, cock by nature. Also, really bad hair.

Amy Koch

This woman – and we use that term lightly – is called Amy Koch. She is *checks notes* a Republican (who knew) state senator. She is also *checks notes* a cunt. She opposes gay marriage, mostly because she’s a cunt but also because she’s retarded. She’s scared of the gays, see. Thinks they’re a threat to the sanctity of marriage blah blah blah-di-blah.

Also turns out (they always turn out!) she’s a hypocrite. Had an extra-marital affair with a male member of her staff and everything. Poor bastard.

And now for the twist in our festive tale of hypocritical schtuppin’… a very nice gay gentleman caller by the name of John Medeiros (segue: whatever happened to Glenn?) wrote an open letter to Amy Koch. Surprisingly for a man who takes it up the ‘arris, he didn’t mention her hair. But his letter does make very good reading. For which we applaud him. With all our hands.

John Medeiros? Drop trou’ and take a bow!

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN

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Jason Donovan, no.

Jason Donovan topless

Jason Donovan – who we find to be over earnest and boring as fuck – is here seen on a beach in Australia. He has dropped approximately one and a half dress sizes since being on Strictly Come On My Tits, during which we found him to be earnest as fuck and over boring.

And no, we won’t forget the suing The Face for saying he was gay thing. A simple shrug of the shoulders would’ve done.

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