Not content with world domination and Dawn French doing their voice overs (priorities, people!), Tesco have expanded into the whole new world of bumming. Called Sequre (someone got paid a lot of money to come up with that. And someone got a slap for suggesting Sequeer), ladies, gentlemen and the undecided may choose from condoms that come in all the shapes and sizes under the sun, and all the flavours in a packet of Refreshers. There’s even Saucy Strawberry (again, someone, lots of money) and Mind Blowing Mint (really?) flavoured lube. Which is all very nice, but we don’t want our cock to taste like a Fab lolly.
They’re cheap and what have you – £6 for 12 – which works out at around 50 pence a bum, but frankly why pay for the stuff when you can swish into The Ruperts in London’s glittering Soho, stuff your bag, do a cartwheel for light relief, then get the fuck out of there?
The world is not enough,