It wouldn’t be Christmas without a campaign to stop any old X Factory nonsense getting the coveted Number 1 tip-top hot spot on the Top 40 Hit Parade. And this year’s alternative ditty is from a bunch of trouts going by the name of Military Wives. Could even be The Military Wives, we’re not fussy. They’ve sung a sang – wait, sang a sung – based on love letters (we’ll be the judge of that) to and from and betwixt their loved soldier ones in far, far away.
We’re not PC – only when being paid – but really, couldn’t they have put a few gays in there and called in Military Partners? Harmonies would’ve gone through the roof, and the lighting would’ve been a whole lot better. Heck, they could’ve had a dark room.
When we first heard this song – on Her Majesty’s Radio Two – we thought, ‘Christ, what the fuck is this shit?’ Now we’ve heard 247 times, we think, ‘Christ, what the fuck is this shit?’ The vocals are all over the place and we appreciate lead wifey is wearing her red glasses especially, but they should’ve considered doing a Black Box on her ass and getting someone hot to trot to mime the vocals. No-one would’ve been any the wiser and some people somewhere might even have flicked themselves off over the whole thing. And who would deny anyone that at Christmas? Certainly not the Baby Jesus.
In conclusion, this song is kinda creepy in that saccharine sentimental bollocks way, but if it keeps those X Factory singing sausages off-of the top spot, we’re in.
Oh, and we’d totally bum the ginger solidier, as evidenced here, here and here. He’s even gone so far as to match his hair to the war-torn desert.
They had us at ginger bloke...,