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‘Half of gay men would die early to have the perfect body’


Put another way, half of gay men are vain bastards.

Put another way, half of gay men have terribly low self-esteem.

Put another way, half of gay men are cunts.

This is based on fact, people. A survey conducted by the Central YMCA and some other gentlemen callers says so. What is worrying about this is that we go to the Central YMCA. Or at least we think it’s the Central YMCA. We’ve never cared to ask. We just walk in and there’s some religious bullshit tucked away in the corner. And it’s central.

Want to know what else is true…?

– 48% of gay men would sacrifice a year of more of their lives in exchange for tits that go like this and stomachs you can grate ginger off.

– 10% of gay men would die more than 11 years earlier if they could have the body of their dreams. You know, each to their own.

The above contrasts sharply – that’s sharply – to straight men (we’ll be the judge of that. If the Central YMCA is anything to go by), for whom the following is true:

– 33% of straight men would die a year early for a body you could bounce pennies off. Lots of them.

– Oh no, that’s it.

Apparently, most of ’em – gay and straight and undecided – want to be, and we quote, scientifically, ‘tall, lean, muscular, toned, with clear skin and a full head of hair.’

Apparently we’re dead already.


Did we just hash tag?


Did we just do it again?


Did we just do it again?


When will the lambs stop crying?

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