Simon Cowell – small, hair like a vagina – is rumoured to have offered Beyonce – taller, hair – a whoppingly whopping $500million for a five-year judging stint on the American X Factory.
Could you imagine how many pairs of tights you could get with that?
The miserable old cunts over the Daily Mail have had a Mexican wave of a stroke at the ‘obscenity’ of this figure, what with children dying in Africa and kittens being thrown in wheelie bins, but, you know, fuck ’em.
We’d do it for half a pound of Jelly Babies and a tit-rub. We’re very frugal.
Simon Cowell to pay Beyonce $100million a year to be an X Factor judge? (The rising intonation on that was excruciating.),