‘I was in Heartbeat for 18 years so she can take hers off’

If anyone is a little schtumped at this moment, it’s the one on your right who was in Heartbeat. The televisual equivalent of drowning in a bath, and not one pepped up with a fizzing Lush bath bomb either. She was also on Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes once, under the impression she sings like Lisa Stansfield. She is called Tricia Penrose, and that dress is the sartorial equivalent of squeezing a zeppelin into a condom.

The one on your left is Amy Childs. She just loves to pout. She’s a pouter. She only wears this when she doesn’t care how she looks, and we interviewed her once and found her to be dumb as fuck.

*ends*

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