1. It has Tom Cruise in it.
2. It has Tom Cruise being ‘funny’ in it.
3. It thinks that if a pretty girl is going to be more than a pretty girl she has to put glasses on.
4. It has Tom Cruise shirtless in it.
5. It has a monkey in it (not Tom Cruise) and we hate monkeys. They’re so unpredictable. Unlike Tom Cruise.
6. It has noisy rock music in it, only some of which is actually funny.
7. It contains real fur.
8. It contains Tom Cruise wearing real fur.
9. It thinks it’s funny.
10. It is based on a London musical starring Shane off-of X Factory. Why couldn’t he have played the Tom Cruise part in the movie, because he’s quite hot in a young Justin Timberlake kind of of way?
10 things we already think are shit about the movie Rock of Ages,