This man became gay overnight. And we just became straight…

Meet this one here. His name is Chris and he was a fully-signed-up heterosexual straight person, played rugby, wore bad underwear and too much Lynx, the whole nine yards. Then, after a trauma to the head which affected his fringe, he woke up gay.

Chris was, apparently, attempting a forward roll down a hill when he had a stroke, which caused neurons in his brain to reconnect in a different formation and – hey bingo! – he wakes up a card-carrying, hairdressing, hole-in-the-ear sporting gay.

Bitch, we have news for you: if you’re attempting a forward roll down a hill, you are already gay. Now, please can you come out to your parents properly by leaving magazines like Inches or Black Inches under your bed, getting love bites on the BACK of your neck and having your hair cut… well, pretty much like you’ve got your hair cut?

Whatever… he is now unsurprisingly ‘happier than ever’. See Chris’s ‘amazing’ story on BBC3, which is a television channel, tonight. At some time or other. What are we? TV Times?

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