Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Anne Hathaway seems OK in the trailer to Les Mis, but she’s no SuBo, that’s for sure

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.0/10 (4 votes cast)

Kids of religiouses. Aren’t they just the darnedest!

Look at these two cuties, mic in hand, innocently waiting for their moment to shine, ready with their cutting quips if Simon ‘Hair like a vagina’ Cowell dares to go there. And honey don’t she ever!

Only this ain’t no normal day at the talent show rodeo, mmmn hmmn.

Imagine the audience, if you will: lumpen round the hips and ankles; hair longer at the front than at the back, a bit like a bird from abroad; polyester jeggings (the irony of which is not lost on those with an education); sugar-coated tooth; bingo wings that flap in the southern breeze; men called ‘Bi-curious’ on Cam4; ribs for breakfast, Pop-Tarts for tea; well-fingered bible by the bed; polyester eiderdown (again, irony, not lost); one eye looking at you, one looking for you, the last one glass; that sort of thing. So far, so hot.

Then the kids begin to sing. But hark, this isn’t ‘Flying Without Wings’ or indeed Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ sung acapella. No, these two kids, innocent to the core, start singing ‘Ain’t No Homos Gonna Go To Heaven’. Which last we checked wasn’t on WestLife’s Greatest Hits. For it turns out, pop-pickers, that these two innocents have been forced to sing a gay hate song, by their caring elders, inside what can only be described as hell on earth. Otherwise know as a church in Indiana.

The most godly bit of the whole thing is when the innocents get to the chorus. You know, the ‘Ain’t No Homos Gonna Go To Heaven’ bit. It’s like that time Tyra Banks gave everyone in the audience a tub of Vaseline. These god-bothering freaks are slipping off their designer imposter chairs!

Obviously, sane people think these religiouses – all members of the Apostle Truth Tabernacle (we’ll be the judge of that) – are utter cunts.

In response to sanity, one member of the Apostle Truth Tabernacle, who cannot be named because it contains more than one syllable, said the following:

‘If we don’t teach the children the truth early, they will never learn.’

And there we have it in a crazy-as-a-box-of-mullets nutshell.

*starts singing, ‘Ain’t No Homos Gonna Go To Heaven’. This shit’s like crack cocaine*


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

And in today’s sports news…


And that concludes today’s sports news. *puts finger to ear to hear something from producer through ear-piece. Rolls eyes*

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

How big do you think this celebrity’s penis is?

He is Thomas Jane. He is the star of the TV show Hung and obviously there has been a lot of speculation about how big Thomas Jane’s penis is, what with him playing a man with a big penis and all.

Well, you’re about to find out. It’s a photograph taken for an arty magazine that was doing a ‘Risky’ theme, which then decided it was a little too risky and it’s based on an old Mapplethorpe photograph.

The penis you are about to see is not safe for work, unless you work in your local Genito-Urinary Clinic. Over the jump with you and try and keep your tongue in your own mouth as you gawp… (more…)

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.3/10 (27 votes cast)

The leader of the Catholic Church in England and Wales says gay marriage will have ‘damaging consequences’ on society.

This man here, the Most Reverend (we’ll be the judge of that) Vincent Nichols, the most senior member of the Catholic church in England and Wales (which isn’t saying much) yesterday officiated over some spells to ‘celebrate marriage’ in Westminster Cathedral where 500 suckers of a heterosexual tendency turned up to ‘reaffirm their vows’. Not one of those 500 had ever had sex outside of marriage. Not one. Quite impressive, isn’t it?

And he took the opportunity of such a festival of heterosexuality to put the boot into the idea of gay marriage. Just for a change, like.

‘Today marriage is sometimes thought of, and presented, without any reference to children at all,’ he said, obviously referring to those straight people who get married when they are too old to have children, like Prince Charles and Camilla, or those who willfully marry in the knowledge that they cannot have children.

‘Today sexual activity is often approved and even promoted separated entirely from marriage,’ he went on (and on and on). You bet it is, sister! Bring on the cock!

No mention was made, however, of the fact that Catholic priests, having sworn themselves to a life of celibacy, often take out their sexual frustrations on children in their charge by raping them. Just saying.


VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Baroness Warsi is a cunt.

Sorry, we forgot to say it yesterday.

We were thinking it though.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Katie Price’s boyfriend (poor bastard!), Leandro. In pants.

She was also there in underwear but what with it coming up to tea time, we thought we wouldn’t subject you to that. You’ve already had Ulrika to contend with, after all.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

And in more breaking sports news…

Men running around in cute little two-pieces. Which we think is now an Olympic sport.

And that ends today’s sports news.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)