Apparently, the opening ceremony should be as big a spectacle for those in the stadium as for those watching on their TellyVee. Fair enough.
So, what do you do to create that sense of spectacle in front of a live audience of tens of thousands? You bring in ten ducks, nine hens and three sheepdogs. That’ll wow them. It’s all part of a scene to bring to life the British countryside according to the people who know. Really? But really? No, really though?
Then we heard Danny Boyle, film director, northerner and organiser of the opening ceremony, talking and he was going on quite a bit about the British sense of humour and how important it was to this sort of thing, and then the penny dropped. Bearing in mind they never reveal what’s going to be in the opening ceremony, we have decided that it must be a giant April Fool’s Day joke and it’s not going to be like this at all.
What we learned from the London bus with Leona Lewis on it that pitched up at Beijing to kick off the British takeover of the games is that you need scale. We think you’ll agree, nine chickens is not scale. It’s barely lunch for some people.
OK, we've thought about it and have decided this Olympics opening ceremony thing must be a joke,