Oh, look at this happy, smiling, mixed-race couple. If Jesus doesn’t want them for sunbeams, then the whole of Heaven has gone to the dogs and no mistake. Of course, they wouldn’t have been able to marry in certain places until fairly recently, what with the church backing a ban on inter-racial marriages and everything but don’t let that stop them from trying to prevent the gays marrying. ‘Pull up the ladder, Jack. I’m alright’, is how our nan used to put it.
They are the cover stars of a new leaflet – a really glossy one! – from a group called Keep Marriage Special. Keep Marriage Special would prefer if gays didn’t have equality because they like to feel superior to gays. They are special. The chosen ones, if you like.
They also feel that if anyone can get married – not just ‘special’ people (there are two meanings to the word ‘special’ you know) – then it’s only a matter of time before the government will allow incest and think – like London Mayor Boris Johnson before them – that soon men will be allowed to marry dogs (we will refrain from commenting on the lady wife of our current Prime Minister).
But don’t think for one instant that Keep Marriage Special’s desire to refuse other people rights to which they feel a – yes! – god-given entitlement is homophobic. Of course it’s not. What do you take them for?
‘There is nothing homophobic about stating the biblical position that all sexual activity outside marriage is wrong,’ says the leaflet.
Where shall we start with that one?
A). Surely it’s better for the gays to marry in that case, then they can have sexual activity WITHINSIDE marriage and not cause God so many sleepless nights.
B). Are they also banning non-virgin straight people from getting married then? It would seem to follow. It would also mean that about four couples a year (really mad ones) were the only people eligible for the holy union.
And C). You believe in fairies ergo we don’t care what you think.
And D). and E).
Marriage for gays? What next? Incest? Polygamy? White shoes after Labor Day?,