Despite the ever-buffer body and VPL, we still can’t get past the haggis for a face

Mmm, minty fresh

So there it is. Andy Murray’s mint in all its Daz whites. Unfortunately – for us at least. Your standards may be lower than ours – it doesn’t provoke even the slightest tingle in the fanny region. Nor did the opponent he beat; a pale Russian chap known as Ice Man. Which reminds us – along with two sweaty men knocking balls about together – we haven’t watched Top Gun in a while. *feather-dusters the VHS player*

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