In scenes reminiscent of nasty old cunt Margaret Thatcher’s (is she dead yet, ding-dong?) Section 28, a Catholic school down in London’s glittering Truro has decided that telling its pupils that it’s okay to be gay is just not on. Bugger if it buggers with their minds! It’s what the baby Jesus would’ve wanted!
Formerly St Michael’s Catholic Small School (what sort of name is that? Do pupils move up to Big School and then on to My Dad’s Bigger Than Your Dad School?) in Cornwall, it is now called St Michael’s Catholic Free (we’ll be the judge of that) School, and is funded directly from the Government. And it has already come under criticism from the National Union of Teachers for its retardedness (who called the hotbed of fairy stories an ‘ideological gimmick’) whilst politicians criticized the £4.5million it has spent on a dolly new extension – in spite of the fact that there were 600-odd school places going for a song in nearby secondaries. But, you know, the Government’s got money to piss up walls, after all.
And ever the victims, said Catholics in charge of poor unsuspecting children – they’re like sponges, you know! – have hit back at the sane people of this world, shrieking about an ‘orchestrated attack to undermine the school.’
So much so, they went and formed a motley crew made up of some old codger (Wallace Simmons), some trouty governor who probably makes her own perfume out of lavender and old bits of hoof (Joyce Sanderson) and some old cunt in a frock (Father Chris Findlay). Don’t know about you, but we’re shaking in our designer-imposter loafers.
‘The whole population is taught that homosexuality is fine and children should accept they can have two mums or dads but they should not be taught that nonsense. It is not right,’ shrilled Simmons.
‘Schools are not teaching basic family values and that mum and dad are the heads of the family and that’s how it should be,’ he continued to shrill.
‘There are so many problems in schools today where basic family values are not taught and it is OK for Jack to marry Jack and not Jill. The morals of this country should not be dragged down,’ he shrilled some more whilst wishing he’d added an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence, before thoughts turned right back to that nice boy in the knitted tank tops on The Great British Bake Off.
Mrs Sanderson, whose smell lingers, then took her turn.
‘Gays would be welcome to this school,’ she said, her left eyelid twitching. You know, like they sometimes do. ‘But we would not encourage it.’
She also wishes she’d added an exclamation mark.
Then came Father Findlay, who had been holding his breath in a hump for so long he’d almost turned blue.
‘We have a clear understanding about the human person and how a person fits into the society including everything from marriage, work-place, family life, self-discipline and clarity of moral values.’
And we have a clear understanding of you people – or ‘cunts’, as we prefer.