Portly has-been Morrissey still trying desperately to shock. Still sounding like a complete cunt.

Closeted homosexual Morrissey – he of maudlin ’80s fame – has had another deranged go at London’s glittering United Kingdom of Great.

We already know he hates the royals and thinks Her Maj is comparable to Gaddafi and Mubarak, and that William and Kate are the devil’s work (we come out in pustules just looking at them!); we already know he apologised to the Argentinean people ‘on behalf of the British’ for that Falklands business – apparently without having consulted real life Falklanders – and now the voices in his head (the same voices that tell him not to worry about the hypocrisy of being a closeted homo) are telling him that modern Britain is equivalent to Nazi Germany (but without the hot uniforms) and that the Olympics are an outrage. He for one isn’t watching them! Making him actually the only one!

‘I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event,’ he frothed, in between stroking his luscious locks from left to right exactly 40 times.

‘Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism?’ he continued, whilst thumbing the thesaurus.

‘The “dazzling royals” have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press. It is lethal to witness.’

We know! We saw Princess Anne watching her daughter in the showjumping and suddenly dropped down dead. We can hardly type!

‘As London is suddenly promoted as a super-wealth brand, the England outside London shivers beneath cutbacks, tight circumstances and economic disasters. Meanwhile the British media present 24-hour coverage of the ‘dazzling royals’, laughing as they lavishly spend, as if such coverage is certain to make British society feel fully whole.

‘Although the spirit of 1939 Germany now pervades throughout media-brand Britain, the 2013 grotesque inevitability of Lord and Lady Beckham (with Sir Jamie Horrible close at heel) is, believe me, a fate worse than life.’

‘In 2012, the British public is evidently assumed to be undersized pigmies, scarcely able to formulate thought. As I recently drove through Greece I noticed repeated graffiti seemingly everywhere on every available wall. In large blue letters it said WAKE UP WAKE UP.’

To which we say, ‘COME OUT! COME OUT! If you think you’re hard enough!’

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Portly has-been Morrissey still trying desperately to shock. Still sounding like a complete cunt., 10.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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4 comments to “Portly has-been Morrissey still trying desperately to shock. Still sounding like a complete cunt.”

  1. He talks utter shite, but I’d bum him.

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  2. Lofty words written from his home in the Hollywood Hills I imagine…

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  3. He’s a bloated moron.

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  4. How many ways can one say, “Oh, just fuck off!!!”

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