Now call us old fashioned, but we like a penis inside of a pant. A pair of pants without a VPL is like a Cadbury’s Creme Egg without the filling, a Wrigley’s Extra without the crispy sugary shell, those Shake ‘n’ Vac Walkers crisps where the salt comes in a sachet, only the sachet isn’t there. It’s like a plane that doesn’t fly, a songbird that doesn’t sing, a drink without the drink.
So what’s the point of getting a famous to wear a pair of pants – and expect us to pay good money to buy them! – when we can’t even see the penis therein? Take David Beckham, here seen wearing H&M lily-white pants that fit into your life and your handbag – he looks like he’s wearing a cod piece without the cod.
David Beckham's penis? We'll be the judge of that.,