One Million Moms – those American right bingo-winged religious nutjobs who spend all of their time obsessing over gay people rather than taking their children down to Giraffe and letting them run amok amongst the Pasta Pomodoro like normal parents – have decided that their insane vitriol for today will be directed towards…. *checks notes* Jennifer Lopez. She off-of The Block.
But why little ol’ J Lo, you cry? What’s her ass-the-size-of-Germany ever done to anyone? What’s her alpha-hydroxied skin caked in all the make-up Mac ever made done to rifle their Elnett-ed feathers? What have her two-step phoned-in songs ever done to Tom, Dick or Dickier except sell inexplicably? What has her hair – so shiny – done except shine? Glossily?
Turns out that all Jenny f’ t’ B’ has had the sheer, transparent, diaphanous audacity to do is exec-produce a new ABC drama about two lesbian mums. Sorry, ‘moms’. Lesbian working moms at that! Thank Christ the Baby G they don’t have to worry with hair-care of a morning!
Oh, and they ain’t too happy with ABC either. Bet they’re shaking in their designer-imposter Puma high-tops.
‘Many families have already discovered that ABC Family Channel is anything but family-friendly,’ begins a statement from One Million Cunty Moms on their website, whose poster-girl appears to be Rebekah Brooks with a broom. Apt.
‘But because of family being part of the network’s name, we thought a warning should still be sent out for anyone who continues to watch the channel.’
‘ A premiere date has not been set, but One Million Moms wanted to sound the alarm about this new series.
‘This program is attempting to redefine marriage and family by having two moms raise these children together. One Million Moms is not sure how the explanation will be given on how the biological children were conceived. None of this material is acceptable content for a family show.
‘Hollywood is continuing to push an agenda that homosexuality is acceptable when scripture states clearly it is a sin. As Christians, the Bible also says that we must speak up against sin. If we remain silent then we are guilty of sin also.’
Oh dear, the wrath of fiction. Whatever will we do?
As for the definition of family, the best ones tend to be not full of One Million Cunts. See above (our handy work again, incidentally. We don’t like to show off but, well, we just have.).
In conclusion, here’s the lovely Jennifer Lopez signing Karen Walker’s tits. See, she’s all heart!
One Million Cunty Moms are frothing at their fannies. Again. This time about Jennifer Lopez. Well, who can blame them? ,