Welcome to the voting stages of Mr Gay UK 2012. We haven’t been this giddy since Nell Gwyn met Charles II down Drury Lane whilst squeezing a sizeable orange.
Of the *checks notes* however many contestants there are, we have, following much deliberation, whittled them down to two. This is as much for our ease, as for yours.
The two in question are Stuart and Jamie.
Let’s start with Stuart. Stuart is 27 and from Cardiff, Wales. He is a dance teacher. Not only will we be the judge of that, but he is 5’10” tall. His waist is 32″. So far, so so-so. He has fucking ridiculous tattoos. What’s with these gays? Stars, really? Stars? His pants are busy. Crucially, his ‘eyes are Hazen coloured and has Brown hair.’
Moving on to Jamie. Jamie is 28 and from Wolverhampton. Which just screams sex. He is 6ft tall exclamation mark. He weighs 11st no exclamation mark. He has fucking ridiculous tattoos, too. What’s with these gays? Stars, really? Stars? (This one’s also got footprints leading into his pants. Dear god.) His pants are a whole load of whole load. Crucially, his ‘eyes are Blu and has shaved Brown hair.’
Not only do we not capitalize adjectives, but neither do we put cut-outs on a black background with a fuzzy-felt halo effect (actual design term).
We’d show you the other *checks notes* contestants, but we’re pushed for time what with it being Wednesday. So go here and do it your goddamn selves.
The Mr Gay UK 2012 shortlist. Who'd you bum?,