We’re not gonna lie, we would. Even though he looks like a cross between that shouty bald primordial-sized fella off The One Show and that narrow-shouldered bald fella off the show that used to be called Something for the Weekend with that wet slanket Louise Eternal Nerdlings and that bald fella who presents Masterchef despite knowing fuck all about food and the 17 gentleman callers currently queuing outside Mr Topper’s to relieve themselves of £9, we totally would. And that’s before we’ve even had chance to talk about how red totally makes his balls pop.
Alan Shearer, anyone? ,