Meet Tory Christian nut-job David Silvester. Guess who he doesn’t like!

David Silvester

 

This is David Silvester (no ‘y’!) and he is a Conservative councillor in London’s glittering Henley off-of Boat Race.

David – who is hot. We’re slipping of that designer-imposter chair as we speak – doesn’t think equal marriage is a good idea. Is positively against it, in fact. Thinks the sky will come a-crashing down if it happens, Sodom and Gomorrah style-y. (Mmmmm, sodomy.)

David is so concerned, that he’s written a letter to David Cameron off-of Prime Minister, voicing his *checks notes* concerns. It goes something like this, inspired by a facsimile from the Baby Jesus his very self. Get ‘er!

‘Dear David,

I believe you accept that the Bible is God’s inerrant word for conduct of men and women in all generations, yet I question whether you can know what it says about the behaviour implied.

If you had been a Bible student for well over 50 years, as I have, you would know that you are proposing to officially condone behaviour which the Bible dismisses as anathema.

Now, as prime minister, you are free to do that if you wish. What you are not free to do, and what only an Almighty God is free to do, is to control the divine consequences of your proposed action.

In this same word, God has written, “those who honour me, I will honour, and those who dishonour me, I will dishonour.” It is my belief that if you go ahead with this legislation, you will again experience another tranche of God’s displeasure within your ministry.

What will happen precisely, and whether this time it will be terminal, I cannot say. But surely the Conservative Party has had enough discouragement in the last year without you and your ministers courting more.

Lots of Love,

David Silverman

(no kisses)’

And in tomorrow’s thrilling installment of CSI: Paranoia, David self-flagellates after touching a woman who it turns out was riding the crimson wave.

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