First of all, His Holiness the Cunt would like to wish you all a very merry Baby Jesus. Unless, of course, you’re gay. Paedos, however, straight to the front of the queue.
And never one to miss a trick, the Vatican – that place that just shimmers with loot – is using this season of peace and *checks notes* joy to have another go at equal marriage. Its official newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano (want Parmesan on that, dolly?) this week splashed with yet another paranoid squeal.
‘Marriage is not a contract’ it said. They really need to speak to Heat when it comes to coverlines.
Same-sex couples live in a ‘different reality’, it continues. Physics was never our strong point (no Babs), but we didn’t think gays and straights lived in a different time and space. Why, only yesterday we took a phone call from our deeply heterosexual mother!
‘Saying that marriage between a woman and a man is equal to that between two homosexuals is, in fact, a denial of the truth that affects one of the basic structures of human society, the family.’
‘We cannot base a society on these foundations without them paying a very high price as happened in the past when there was an attempt to achieve total economic and social equality.’
ie. Communism. Alert the guard!
‘Why repeat the same mistake and chase after an unattainable utopia?’
Unattainable utopia? Here’s us thinking that was Heaven.
And in breaking news, our roving correspondent, Chicken Licken – currently walking on water over at the Vatican – reports that the Pope, in his World Day of Peace speech, says that gay marriage is a threat to ‘justice and peace’.
*makes a note of that*
The Vatican has already likened gays to Nazis so saying they're now Communists seems a bit half-hearted.,