Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Back in the days of a fascist Europe, when Mussolini was helping Hitler rid Europe of undesirables like Jews and gays and gypsies – in short, anyone with any sense of fun – by, erm, killing them, the Catholic Church decided it would give its blessing to Mussolini. Well, not only was Benny Mussolini against the sort of people the Catholic Church itself was against (anyone with a sense of fun) but he was also waving a rather large cheque for their blessing. Cash money just to turn a blind eye to genocide? That’ll do nicely!
So, what do you think the Catholic Church did with this handy little windfall? Spend it on alleviating the suffering of the poor as laid out in quite some detail in the Bible, surely! Well, no, as it turns out.
First, the CC cunningly squirreled the cash away in an off-shore account until it was worth a cool £500 million (which is half £1 billion in today’s money) and then it started to build a sizable property portfolio, careful not to let anyone know they were doing it by using company names that don’t include the words ‘Catholic’, ‘Church’, ‘Vatican’ or ‘Bunch O’Cunts’.
So far, with the dirty cash acquired from a murderous dictator for their collusion, the CC have bought a little pied-a-terre at 169 New Bond Street, which is a very nice address, an office block on the corner of St. James’ Square and the building where luxury jewellers Bvlgari are based.
So, next time a helpful Catholic, concerned for your eternal fate, tries to tell you you are an abomination because you like a little lying down with members of your own sex, bear in mind the slippery slidey nature of the moral high-ground that person is standing on. Besides, while Jesus never once mentioned bumming, fellatio or even mutual masturbation, he did have quite a lot to say about greedy rich people. Like dolly up there, pictured in daywear.
And don’t take our word for it (mind you, why wouldn’t you?); read the full story here.
When the Catholic Church received a nice fat cheque from a murderous dictator, how do you think they spent it?,