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This is what Madonna looks like round about *checks watch* now


That colour will be a bugger to get out of pillow slips, we’re telling you.

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Let’s start the day with an invigorating leg workout

Oh, we feel refreshed!

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Pope replaces one homophobic old cunt with another homophobic old cunt. Maybe that’s all he has to choose from.

Less communion wine, maybe

As delighted and amused as we were to see the departure of nasty homophobe Cardinal ‘Dolly’ O’Brien under a cloud of allegations of inappropriate behaviour, it should come as no surprise that the man who compared homosexuality to slavery has been replaced, thanks to Pope Paedophile Enabler Benedict, by the man who compared homosexuality to fatal disease.

Remember when gay former minister, David Cairns, died of pancreatic cancer? This man, Philip Tartaglia, the new Archbishop of Glasgow, in his role as a consoling Christian had a few kind words to say to the friends and family of Mr. Cairns and to the community in general. ‘Recently in Scotland there was a gay Catholic MP who died at the age of 44 or so,’ he said, soothingly before moving into grammatically choppy waters. ‘And nobody said anything, and why his body should just shut down at that age?’

Listen, we can’t litter the whole thing with ‘sic’, can we now? It’s sic enough.

‘Obviously he could have had a disease that would have killed anybody…’ Oh, are you still here? ‘But you seem to hear so many stories about this kind of thing, but society won’t address it.’

Well, Philip – who looks like he suffers from very high blood pressure if not homosexuality – all we can say about those comments is a very carefully considered and reflective: ‘Shut the fuck up you nasty old cunt.’ Yep, think that just about covers it.

The Catholic Church, eh. Never one to disappoint.

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Barbra, Adele and Dame Shirley. Together! It’s the photo we’ve waited a lifetime to see

Move up, bitch!

Liza was at the bar getting her round in.

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You would have to have a heart of stone not to enjoy the downfall of this cunt

Greedy bottom

Here he is. Cardinal Keith O’Brien in daywear. Dolly O’Brien, you might remember, is the senior Roman Candle cleric in the whole of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of England, Scotland, Wales and… oh, there’s another bit but we can’t… Northern Ireland. Reason enough to be contemptuous, you might think.

But not content with being the representative of nasty old paedophile enabler Pope Benny on this green and pleasant land, Missy O’Brien took it upon himself to lead a particularly nasty cavalry charge against the gays describing same-sex marriage as ‘harmful to the physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of those involved’, adding that it was ‘madness and grotesque’. Not unlike that hat. He then put £100,000 of the Church’s money – money mostly bagged from Mussolini and secretly invested in London properties – into his unsuccessful campaign.

How interesting then that he should resign after allegations from not one, not two, not three but four priests and former priests of ‘inappropriate’ behaviour. Isn’t that interesting? Very interesting. Of great interest. Something we are keenly interested in.

Prof Tom Devine, an authority on Scottish history writing in The Telegraph, said: ‘This is probably the gravest single public crisis to hit the Catholic Church in Scotland since the Reformation and its effects in the short term are incalculable. Many of the faithful in Scotland will be stunned by the seismic turn of events.’

For us, however, it is highly hilarious. Not to say interesting.

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One of Dolce & Gabbana has been photographing football players in their underwear

Take those ridiculous panties off immediately!

We bet he has!

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We thought we had agreed that no one would rip off this tired old Herbie Ritts photo anymore

Wake us up when it's gone

And then Alex James gets commissioned by More! magazine and the whole sorry story starts again, this time with Joey Essex in the frame. Bitch, please!

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They’re cut-off jeans but they’re also underpants.

Does my cock look big in these?

We so want some. Just to wear down XXL. Oh and you can buy them here.

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