Here is Hugh Jackman who is not gay. Not even a little bit. He won’t even let you put the tip in. Nothing. Straight as a die. Heterosexual as the lead in a Broadway musical. Never had the flavour of penis in his mouth, not ever. Do you understand that? Well we wish you would. Because multi-millionaire Hugh Jackman has had it up to here (and even a bit further up than that) with the gay rumours.
It’s just that his wife – you know the one – is getting pretty upset about always reading about him being gay on the internet. Very upset. She is sometimes so upset she has to lie down in a dark room with a wet flannel over her forehead, forgoing hours of being out there spending Hollywood millions on stuff she doesn’t need.
‘Just recently, it bugs her,’ said Jackass in an interview in the Hollywood Reporter which was notable for its insight, depth and spelling, much of it correct. ‘She goes: “It’s big. It’s everywhere”.’
Funny, we heard the exact same thing.
Hugh Jackass is not gay. And the rumours upset his older, less attractive wife, adopted mother of his adopted children.,