Meet Right Dolly Steven Hanna, vicar of St Elizabeth’s in Becontree, East London.
Here he is seen, in no particular order, with his beard, some ginge, and a top from C&A. Rev Hanna is one of those paranoid Jesuses who thinks not only that gay marriage is a sin, but that gay acts are also. Hence the doughy wife straight from the Christian catalogue. You can get them on the never-never now!
So enraged is Dolly Hanna that he has rounded up a mob of 21 like-minded nutters and written a whole letter. Points of View is quivering in its sub-prime time slot.
‘We believe marriage to be a holy matrimony between a man and a woman,’ it begins. Snappy, huh! He should save that one for dinner parties.
‘We believe that civil partnerships and gay marriage are not holy and are against God’s word.’
God’s word… S’funny.
‘We believe that church leaders, politicians and government ought not to be promoting them and that to do so will bring God’s judgement upon us.’
Oh Stevie, we have a fake laugh with your name written all over it.
‘Jesus spoke tough truths yet was still able to love people.’
Go on, we’re listening.
‘We urge all churches and Christians to do the same in the knowledge that there is transforming grace and forgiveness.’
So blackmail then, huh, rev?
Hanna, definitely not Barbera, has subsequently defended his letter saying that Christ no, he’s no homophobe! He even has gay friends! He’s even thought about bumming some of them! (Listen, he talks about ‘God’s word’. We’ve got carte blanche here kids.)
‘I am not saying that being gay is a sin,’ he tells the Barking and Dagenham Post, as the Barking and Dagenham Post rolls its eyes and switches on Scruff for a fresh cache.
‘I am saying gay practice is a sin and gay marriage is a sin.
‘There is a difference between having gay thoughts and gay practice. I can have adulterous thoughts and yet not commit adultery. People can be cured from being gay.’
If that’s the case the lady doth need to try a little harder than that wife.
‘(The letter) is not against the gays.’
The gays? Honey, you’ve even got the lingo!
‘God loves the sinner but hates the sin. It is like me saying murder is a sin, but the murderer can be helped.’
Okay, mister-sister, let’s get one thing straight. You ain’t. And before you go passing judgement in the name of the Baby G, take a long hard look at that… what are calling this? Pullover? ‘Cause God had a hell of lot to say about polys and scant about the gays. Speaking of which, He just WhatsApp’d and said you’re a cunt.
If a gay says boo to this rev, he'll shit his pants. Oh, and he likens gays to murderers. God must be so proud.,