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And in today’s breaking swimwear news…


Smoulder, bitch!

Peter Hurley by Jonathan Skow for Mr. Turk Swimwear. And you can’t say fairier than that.

And that concludes today’s breaking swimwear news…

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OMG, why didn’t we think of that, Paris Hilton?


Cunt!

But it’s true! All you need is to be married into a family of multimillionaires or get your own reality show because you were born into a family of multimillionaires or make a sex tape and pretend you knew nothing about it while sharing royalties or… so many things.

She inspires us. [Written while wearing new Stop Being A Stupid Cunt t-shirt]].

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Lord Carey, Prize Cunt, thinks Equal Marriage will lead to incest and polygamy. No dear, incest and polygamy lead to incest and polygamy.


Lord Carey, Prize Cunt, thinks Equal Marriage will lead to incest and polygamy. No dear, incest and polygamy lead to incest and polygamy.

Lord Carey who, in spite of all that money still has shit teeth, is a virulent opponent of equality. Instead of tackling poverty and popping down to Specsavers for glasses that don’t look like they were made out of old cans of Coke Zero (give one to your friends!) by a homeless on Hungerford Bridge, the former Archbishop of Cunterbury spends his time hate-mongering. The gays are his default target.

‘Once we let go of the exclusivity of a one man-one woman relationship with procreation linking the generations, then why stop there?’ he writes in an essay entitled ‘Love is Not Enough’ for the think tank Civitas’s series ‘The Meaning of Matrimony’, which also includes sane essays from the likes of Stonewall’s Ben Summerskill.

‘If it is “about love and commitment” then it is entirely logical to extend marriage to, say, two sisters bringing up children together’ Dolly Carey says, completely missing the logic of thinking that one through properly.

‘If it is merely “about love and commitment” then there is nothing illogical about multiple relationships, such as two women and one man,’ he continued, as he slipped off his designer-imposter high-horse while dreaming of being fingered by Lord Tebbit.

Naturally, there’s more. No wonder he aged prematurely. Where’s Jesus when that happens, hmmn?

‘Those of us accused of being on the wrong side of history can only plead with the Government to respect our concern that extending marriage to same-sex couples is not only unwise, but also sets a dangerous precedent.’

Weren’t the abolition of slavery, votes for women and calorie-free gum also ‘dangerous precedents’?

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Giorgio Moroder is back! Well, he is if you listen to this teaser from the new Pet Shop Boys album…

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Lads and gennelmens, introducing the number one stupidest tattoo of all time. And that’s saying a lot.


Ugh!

It’s not even like LV is hot anymore. Sheesh!

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Now, for light relief, let’s watch Jessie J strip down to bra and panties in her new video

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Christian Cunt Lillian Ladele keeps trying to discriminate, but the European Court of Human Rights says no, no, no.


Christian Cunt Lillian Ladele keeps trying to discriminate, but the European Court of Human Rights says no, no, no.

Lillian Ladele – here seen holding her cross between her thumb and forefinger so she must really mean it – has had her latest and very expensive case at the European Court of Human Rights, in which she was fighting for her right to legally hate gay people, thrown out on its ass.

Lillian – who you might remember from ongoing shirking actual work and attempting to sue Islington Council, London’s glittering N1, for sacking her because she refused to do her job on the grounds of deeply held religious cuntiness (for those new to us a. where the fuck have you been? and b. she refused to conduct same-sex civil unions because she said the Baby Jesus wouldn’t want her for a sunbeam if she did, all the while conveniently forgetting she has a bastard child), took her final appeal to the Grand Chamber, funded of course by a bunch of Christian crazies.

Keith Porteous, executive director of the National Secular Society, had this to say on the matter:

‘Fortunately, Europe’s highest court has now wisely followed numerous lower courts and rejected the applicants’ attempts for religious conscience to trump equality law.

‘The UK has the world’s most comprehensive equality laws which already include strong protection for religious believers and they would have been fatally compromised, particularly LGBT people, had the Grand Chamber overturned any of these judgments.’

The beady-eyed among us will notice the apostrophe came after the s on ‘applicants’. That is because there was another religious loon paid by the State trying to win the right to discriminate (Gary McFarlane, refused to give therapy to gay couples, BHS ties), but sanity whipped his lazy ass.

Lillian is thought to be stroking her asymmetric bob ten times on the left, ten times on the right, ten times on the left, as we speak. Unfortunately, the lambs will never stop screaming.

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Lauryn Hill transitions from ‘vaguely cunty’ to ‘utter cunt’ with new song!


Get your hair cut, you cunt!

Lauryn Hill, hitherto known for ruining Roberta Flack songs, being racist against white people, keeping paying customers at The Coliseum waiting for hours while she completed her shopping in Covent Garden and for being jailed for tax evasion (and for having terrible eyebrows! Honey!), has hit a new low with a song attacking the gays and the transes as worse than pimps and serial criminals.

In a new track called ‘Neurotic Society’ (which sounds very much like a poem you might write in an English class in Year 8) she lists all the things that are bringing society down, failing somehow to mention rich people who don’t pay their taxes and then have to go to prison.

To blame for the breakdown of life as we know it are ‘social transvestism’, whatever that is, ‘Pride fiends’ and ‘drag queens’ (yes, while wearing that wig!)

Love, sort the eyebrows, pay the taxes and the shut the dirty mouth.

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