Notorious homosexual/homophobe Cardinal Dolly O’Brien to be exiled to atone for his sins.

Take off that ridiculous... on second thoughts...

Here he is, the churchman who managed to juggle gay sex-pesting with likening consensual gay sex between consensual gay sexies to ‘child abuse’ and calling the august institution of homosexuality itself ‘moral degradation’. Until one of those priests who had been gay sex-pested by him had enough and decided to blow the whistle (not a metaphor, btw).

Having denied the claims, then admitting that, OK, there might be something to them now you actually have evidence, then stepping down and apologising to everyone EXCEPT the gays that he had been slandering and putting church money into attacking for years, he has now been handed down a sentence from the Vatican, and when we say sentence we don’t mean something like, ‘Fuck off you nasty hypocrite!’ No.

The Vatican has affirmed that Dolly Octopus Hands here will have to leave the country (that being Scotland, which doesn’t seem like much of a sentence to us, no offence) ‘for the purpose of spiritual prayer…’ as opposed to all that non-spiritual prayer that has been going on… ‘and penance’.

As far as we can see, religion is what got him in this sticky mess in the first place so to condemn him to even more of the stuff seems reckless. Fool-hardy even. (We apologise for the use of the word ‘hard’ in that last sentence as we know that’s the kind of thing that gets Dolly here frothing at the dog collar).

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