It’s Cristiano Ronaldo, looking dollier than your average Brazilian, on a boat in Miami.
Ever since George Michael carelessly put wisps of blond (well, with that colouring and lack of scientific progress back then, it could only ever be cantaloupe) through his weave back in his very own heterosexual days, we’ve known gennelman of the Latine should avoid highlights.
The face looks suspiciously like it’s been dipped in a vat of MAC, there’s a beach bracelet that looks like it came from a shop in a hotel lobby, and as for the shorts… what’s with the extra layer underneath? This isn’t your first time at the gaydeo, surely?
Does this look heterosexual to you?,