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‘This is rancidity at its peak!’ What Mariah said about her own performance

And this is how we found her: a funny, self-deprecating muppet. Listen out for the little squeak.

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Rating: 8.5/10 (6 votes cast)

RIP Eileen Brennan

We tried to find a clip of her doing Zandra in Will & Grace, but apparently Zandra Rhodes has better SEO.

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Rating: 10.0/10 (5 votes cast)

Selfie du jour


Natural. Just sitting here like this anyways

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Rating: 5.6/10 (10 votes cast)

And in today’s sports news…

Running. Around. With nice bums.

And that concludes today’s sports news…

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Rating: 9.3/10 (4 votes cast)

Justin Welby, Archdolly of Canterbury, says ‘popular opinion on equal mariage is not a case for changing obedience to God.’ Without even a smidge of irony.


Justin Welby, Archdolly of Canterbury, says 'popular opinion on equal mariage is not a case for changing obedience to God.' Without even a smidge of irony.

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby announced at a Christian conference today (can you imagine the moth balls?) that even though the overwhelming majority of sane people – and even some who are two HobNobs short of a Harrods hamster – believe in the sanctity of equal marriage, that does not change the fact that God’s laws are there to obey. Or else.

‘Popular opinion on equal marriage is not a case for changing obedience to God,’ he said, totally stealing our headline.

This, from the man who was only given the democratic vote on equal marriage in the House of Lords because not only does he believe in fairies, but gets to live in a big palace with sweeping river views because he believes the hardest out of all of ’em.

So, depending on which page of crazy the sheep are fingering that day, that could be anything from stoning the filth out of your daughter currently riding her crimson wave or spinning around, touching the ground until water turns to Stolly Bolly, or whatever tipple won the PR campaign to be Jesus’s blood that month. Because let’s face it, the bible has always been interpreted to suit whatever bigotry is in right now.

And this, just a week after Justin Welby made a complete cock out of himself by condemning Wonga – the payday loan chancers who have funny old puppet people in their adverts – without failing to mention that the Church of England actually put up capital to found Wonga, or indeed offering to sell his fairytale palace by the Thames to help some old people pay their gas bills over Fall/Winter 2013/14.

And this, just days after the Pope – who remains a cunt in spite of what Elton thinks – said, ‘If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?’ followed by a high-kick.

So presumably he does judge, bearing in mind most gays are far too busy searching for lube and Liza, never mind the Baby Cheeses.

Oh, and what about the lesbeans, homophobe?

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Rating: 8.8/10 (4 votes cast)

Freddie Mercury and Michael Jackson duets to be released!


Freddie Mercury and Michael Jackson duets to be released exclamation mark

Recordings made by Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury – together! – back in 1983 are set to be released within months says Brian May, who still hasn’t cut the hair.

Freddie – look at the penis! – and Michael – look at the suedette! – recorded the duets in California, and the Jackson estate last year gave permission to release them. Grazia are still working on seeing what Freddie has to say on the matter.

William Orbit is producing.

It’s ‘exciting, challenging, emotionally taxing… But cool,’ says Brian May, whose favourite song in the whole wide world is after the jump…

(more…)

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Rating: 8.8/10 (4 votes cast)

Cher’s new single as remixed by Jodie Harsh is number one on the Billboard Dance Chart!

S’funny, ’cause Jodie is so like Cher. Only much more natural, obvs.

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Rating: 10.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Happy Birthday Kate Bush, you wonderful thing you…

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Rating: 10.0/10 (5 votes cast)