Earn years off purgatory and Tesco Clubcard points by following the Pope on Twitter


Earn years off purgatory and Tesco Clubcard points by following the Pope on Twitter

OK, so you thought religion was all about being nice to people, loving the baby Jesus (or other deity of choice) and generally living a blameless life. Well, sorry, it’s not quite as simple as that.

What happens in the Catholic faith is that when you die, you have to progress to a kind of NHS waiting room called ‘purgatory’ where you suffer for your sins until that merciful God we hear so much about (even without many examples of actual, you know, mercy) has decided you can move on to a better – or maybe a worse (that’s mercy for you) – place.

Except you might have some credit on your holy Tesco’s Clubcard! Yes! Just as in the old days, where they believed that various fingers and toes belonged to Christ and that little vials of red stuff were His blood and any old bit of drift wood was a bit of the holy cross (sorry, Holy Cross: they love a bit of capitalisation, those Camflicks), you can still earn indulgences. Hooray!

Now, instead of being nice to people or helping old ladies with their shopping or – as it suggests in the Bible – selling all your earthly possessions and giving the money to the poor (yeah, they don’t go on too much about that bit, do they?) you can do a series of tasks and earn points – or ‘indulgences’ – that take years off your time in purgatory.

One of the things that has been added to the list (which was mainly climbing some steps, attending some rallies, turning round and touching the ground) is following the Pope on Twitter. How modern! And we are in luck. We already follow (and abuse) him and his followers. That’s time off for good behaviour right there!

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