First Kylie, now Robbie. Are they seriously trying to get us to self harm?

Fuck off, mate!

You know it’s Christmas when people you hoped might have, you know, gone away are back with quickie albums of songs you really never need to hear again. In this case it’s Robbie Williams with a ‘cheeky’ little album called Swings Both Ways (because there were rumours he was gay or bi or whatever).

And as if that wasn’t enough, he’s singing songs like ‘I Wanna Be Like You’, ‘Dream A Little Dream’ and ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ – ’cause we’ve not heard those by much better singers, have we?

And as if THAT wasn’t enough, he’s roped in the likes of Michael Buble, Lily Allen and Kelly Clarkson to help him if not murder then at least unlawfully kill said tunes.

‘First of all, I wanted to do a swing album because I wanted to do a swing album,’ said Robbie, revealingly. ‘I always knew I’d do another…’ And we always feared as much. ‘And I think now is the perfect time to do it.’

He said some other stuff too but we won’t bore you. He can do that for himself. You can see a snippet of it all below, should you feel the need.

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