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Morrissey: ‘Unfortunately, I’m not homosexual.’ And we’re an ovum.

Morrissey: 'Unfortunately, I'm not homosexual.' And we're an ovum.

Turns out someone’s read Morrissey’s autobiography so we don’t have to.

In it, he admits to being what is known in the business as homosexual, but because Morrissey’s what is known in the business as a pretentious knob, he refuses to label himself as a homosexual. So we’ll just have to do it for him.

Not-homosexual Morrissey admits to having a two-year homosexual relationship with *checks notes* a man. During this non-homosexual homosexual relationshiop, non-homosexual homosexual Morrissey admits to being absolutely consumed by non-homosexual bumming. But seeing as homosexual Morrissey isn’t homosexual, not even in the back bottom, he has to come up with tawdry sentences that would make even Rufus Sewell wince.

‘For the first time in my life the eternal “I” becomes “we”, as, finally, I can get on with someone. Jake and I fell together in deep collusion whereby the thorough and personal could be the only possible way and we ate up each minute of the day.’

And, when it comes to non-male women, he has this to say on the matter:

‘Girls remained mysteriously attracted to me and I had no idea why, since although each fumbling foray hit the target, nothing electrifying took place, and I turned a thousand corners without caring… Far more exciting were the array of stylish racing bikes that my father would bring home.’

It’s all about bikes with us too. The ones with penises.

Oh, but before you all get to thinking that this is Morrissey finally coming out of his big see-through closet, he subsequently retracted any idea that he may be off-of gay.

‘Unfortunately, I am not homosexual. In technical fact I am humasexual. I am attracted to humans. But, of course, not many.’

*rolls eyes*


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