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David Beckham wanked over this gennelman. Didn’t we all! *pats hair*

David Beckham wanked over this gennelman. Didn't we all! *pats hair*

This gennelman is *asks Dad* Clayton Blackmore who is *asks workie* a footballer who played for *asks the moon* Manchester United during the *checks watch* 1980s, a happy time when you wouldn’t immediately switch off your TV after Saturday Superstore had finished and rush out to go shoplifting for Flying Saucers and glitter pens at the Arndale Centre because, ladies and germs, back then chances were you’d see a bit of cock on the all-pissing-afternoon football shows during their in-depth behind the scenes interviews.

Memories really do light the corners of our penises.

Anyway, it turns out we weren’t the only ones flicking off to Match of the Day when we were knee-high to Clayton Blackmore’s pop socks. David Beckham has admitted he was put through a sexual initiation ceremony – we believe they call it ‘hazing’ but we wouldn’t be so bold – when joining the Manchester United Youth Team, the Sylvia Young of all football youth teams, back in, oh, whenever he says his youth was.

‘Everyone had an initiation that you had to go through on the youth team, that was one of the most uncomfortable ones!’ he told Metro.

‘The fact that I had to look at Clayton Blackmore’s calendar and do certain things, while looking at Clayton Blackmore…’

We’re so turned on we’re slipping right out of our designer-imposter poly-blend Manchester United shorty-shorts into something far more smart for town.


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SuBo rides again.

SuBo rides again

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We’re not sure who these people are but we think they’ll go far.

We're not sure who these people are but we think they'll go far.

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And in today’s breaking underwear news…

And in today's breaking underwear news...

Afghanistan war veteran-turned-model Alex Minsky.

We just coloured in the o’s on a press release about Mary J Blige’s ‘A Mary Christmas’.

And that concludes today’s breaking underwear news.

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Now even people we’ve never heard of are coming out. As gay!

Now even people we've never heard of are coming out. As gay!

This is Bob Harper, and he is a personal trainer on a show called The Biggest Loser. Which, fame-wise, puts him at the level of that girl on University Challenge who looked like a worried owl.

But what makes us prick up our ears more than what is normal, ladies and crunch biscuits, is that Bob Harper is gay. And came out live on pre-record this week.

‘This is the right time,’ he said.

Then he cut off his kiss curl and got all sexy.



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And in today’s breaking celebrity underwear news (in moving pictures!), Chord Overstreet!

Oil it up, baby!

Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing his penis that day.

And that concludes today’s breaking celebrity underwear news (in moving pictures!)

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And in today’s breaking sports-cum-swimwear news…

And in today's breaking sports-cum-swimwear news...

Fabio Marletti, not afraid of fluoro.

And that concludes today’s breaking sports-cum-swimwear news.

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Christian cunts goin’ darrrrrrn…

No, ladies and germs, this isn’t an episode of BBC1’s Ripper Street, though the threadbare palm and designer-imposter gable conservatory do bring to mind the shit-stained streets of 19th century Whitechapel.

In fact, it’s Peter and Hazelmary (a name, apparently, not just a dress size) Bull who, for way past too long, have been spending other Christians’ money – money that could’ve gone on heating old people’s homes or looking for Maddie McCann inside of a bucket of KFC Popcorn Chicken – fighting for their God-given right to discriminate against homosexuals. That’s you and us, in gaymen’s terms.

But the Supreme Court, the most Diana Ross of all of Her Majesty’s courts, has told Peter and Hazel ‘Scary’ Mary that they can go fuck themselves. That’s also in gaymen’s terms.

‘Sexual orientation is a core component of a person’s identity which requires fulfilment through relationships with others of the same orientation,’ said Lady Hale, deputy president of the Supreme Court.

‘[Homosexuals] were long denied the possibility of fulfilling themselves through relationships with others. This was an affront to their dignity as human beings which our law has now (some would say belatedly) recognised.

‘Homosexuals can enjoy the same freedom and the same relationships as any others. But we should not under-estimate the continuing legacy of those centuries of discrimination, persecution even, which is still going on in many parts of the world.

‘It is no doubt for that reason that Strasbourg requires “very weighty reasons” to justify discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation.

‘It is for that reason that we should be slow to accept that prohibiting hotel-keepers from discriminating against homosexuals is a disproportionate limitation on their right to manifest their religion.’

And so bum all of us, etc.


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