So, non-gay Tom Daley, what was it exactly that made you fall in love ‘at first sight’ with multi-millionaire Oscar-winning writer Dustin Lance Black? Not in a gay way, obviously.


Nice publicity shot!

Before you rush out and buy the calendar or programme the video to record the hastily recorded (not planned. In no way planned) Jonathan Ross Show or set your Sky+ for the new series of Splash, let’s take a moment to think about what non-gay Tom Daley has done. Is his ‘coming out’ ultimately a bit like Madonna’s ‘I lost my virginity as a career move’? Only without the honesty, the fun and the self-deprecation? Or are we just being trolls, albeit with much better hair?

‘It was love at first sight. I’ve never felt anything like it,’ said non-gay Tom Daley to Jonathan Ross (who usually books up his guests way in advance but then that Oscar-worthy video – who on earth can have written it? – only surfaced on Monday) ‘And I made the first move!’ Cruising the Kids Choice Awards for cock, non-gay Tom? That’s what a gay man would do, so maybe there’s hope for you yet.

‘At the end of the night, we hadn’t even talked, and I don’t normally do this, but I wrote in his notes with my number and put “call me” with a wink face,’ he went on. In a very non-gay way of course, though we’re not sure where he’s learning these moves from. ‘And then I had a text in the morning and I was like, “I can’t believe I just did that”…’ Do you know what, brave non-gay Thomas, we can. You have, at the end of the day, never been slow at coming forward. For a bronze medalist.

‘To be honest, everything is all pretty new and I don’t see any point in putting a label on it,’ continued non-gay Tom. ‘Gay, bi or straight.’ Well, we can narrow it down. Affairs between two men tend not to be straight, so that’s out. ‘Bi’ refers to an identity, whereas ‘gay’ is generally used as an adjective to describe something to do with same-sex attraction. Bearing in mind this is an affair between two people of the same sex, we think, grammatically, the word you’re looking for is ‘gay’.However distasteful that word may be to you.

But don’t let us – or any of the people who suffered and fought for your dolly little gay rights, non-gay Tom – rain on your highly lucrative parade. And don’t worry about that last bit, non-gay Tom: it’s a gay reference to a Barbra Streisand song, so you won’t get it.

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So, non-gay Tom Daley, what was it exactly that made you fall in love 'at first sight' with multi-millionaire Oscar-winning writer Dustin Lance Black? Not in a gay way, obviously., 4.0 out of 10 based on 28 ratings

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24 comments to “So, non-gay Tom Daley, what was it exactly that made you fall in love ‘at first sight’ with multi-millionaire Oscar-winning writer Dustin Lance Black? Not in a gay way, obviously.”

  1. Wow, crotchety much? Had momma run out of breakfast gin this morning?

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  2. At last someone has broken out of the ‘brave Tom’ ranks. That was starting to make me bring up my healthy glucose-rich breakfast substitute cereal bar. And the comment about those who fought for gay rights is spot-on. Wonder what Dustin Lance Black/his PR has to say about that.

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  3. The stuff about gay rights is utter tosh. Those who fought fought for gay rights fought against being labelled. And now all of a sudden we’re getting pissy knickers because some young lad hasn’t changed his name to FABULOUS Tom Daley and isn’t wearing our particular favourite brand of couture homosexualness and also a feather boa? That is very much infra our dig.

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  4. The point is quite well made that he’s having a relationship with another man and says ‘but I don’t want to put a label on it: straight, bi, gay’. A same-sex relationship is a gay relationship. They are synonyms. It doesn’t even make grammatical sense. And those who fought for gay rights fought for the rights of gays. Not the rights of ‘those who refuse to put a label on it because they don’t want anyone to think of them as gay.’

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  5. Oh, and Foppish, you made the connection between ‘gay’ and ‘fabulous’. As far as I’m concerned, it means same-sex.

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  6. It is not for us to enforce how others describe themselves.

    If he doesn’t want to self-identify as gay then that’s an end of it, as far as I’m concerned. The world is more nuanced than a simple gay/not-gay duality. Shaming someone because they don’t wear the label we think they should wear is, frankly, shameful.

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  7. The fact that he denies the relationship is gay is what’s grammatically wrong. His avoidance of the word ‘gay’, even when it’s the only one he could possibly use, speaks volumes. Even two straight men in a same-sex relationship are in a gay relationship. It’s what gay means. That’s the point I’m making. He can identify as a gibbon or a sling-back sandal for all I care. It just seems he thinks he’s above the word gay even when he really has no choice but to use it.

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  8. I’m still hugely miffed – and yes, insulted! – at his ‘of course I still fancy girls’ comment.
    Why ‘of course’? Like not fancying girls is a bad thing?
    Bearing in mind his boyfriend is an Oscar-winning scriptwriter who famously supports gay rights you would’ve thought he would have edited that very dodgy line out.

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  9. The kid’s clearly a fame-whore who is hedging all his bets.
    A refusal to ‘define himself’ has got sod all to do with it.

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  10. This site has gone from a light hearted poke at celebrities to the personal ramblings of a keyboard warrior with a MASSIVE chip on his shoulder. Get over yourself, stop trying to pigeon hole everyone into your fantasy world where everyone is a buff dolly and unworthy if you don’t socialise at Jake events. There’s a thing called being happy for someone, just try it once you might like it!

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  11. He is not identifying himself as gay and at 19, he has plenty of time to decide where he falls in the fluid scale of attraction. He can be who/what he wants as much as the rest of us.

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  12. Listen and I’ll say this very slowly. A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE OF THE SAME SEX IS A GAY RELATIONSHIP. BY DEFINITION. He says ‘To be honest, everything is all pretty new and I don’t see any point in putting a label on it. Gay, bi or straight.’ Whatever he defines HIMSELF as, IT is a gay relationship. That IT that he doesn’t want to put a label on, has a label on. That label is ‘gay’. Is that too tricky for you Isaak and Foppish?

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  13. I don’t know why gay people aren’t insulted when other people doing gay things feel so strongly about not being labelled “gay”. Isn’t that the definition of self-loathing?

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  14. Don’t be so naive, Rob.
    I am neither buff (toned, but not buff!) nor do I go to Jake events. I am, though, a little bit dolly when the mood takes me.
    But what I do know is that when a man is sucking my cock, it’s a gay thing going on down there.

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  15. A ‘label’ is an adjective. We use them all the time. Big, small, English, American, fat, thin, black, white… No one says, ‘Don’t label me as English’ or ‘Don’t label me as thin’ so why would anyone object to be labelled as gay if they are in a same-sex relationship? The only possible reason is that they think there’s something wrong with being gay, surely?

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  16. And I just saw Diana’s comment. Bravo. This ‘I refuse to label myself as gay’ bollocks is insulting, and homophobic. Literally, because it suggests a fear of being labelled as gay because being gay is a bad thing.
    And for crying out loud… Tom Daley is a very wily person, and at 19 he isn’t a child. He knows precisely what he is doing and he’s thinking of the money and his career. He isn’t by any stretch of the imagination ‘brave’.

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  17. I’m black and if I went around telling people I refuse to be labelled as black, they’d think I was a cunt. And they’d be right.

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  18. Why has Tom Daley’s ‘not coming out coming out’ been defined – excuse the pun – as a moral tale about labels? When in fact the most depressing thing about this whole spectacle is Tom’s apparent fear of labelling himself as gay, or indeed bisexual. Because by doing that he is telling the kids – the REALLY lonely ones who aren’t famous and who don’t have famous friends and who don’t have 3million followers on Twitter and whose parents disown them – that being gay is a bad thing.

    People – including ironically Tom Daley’s new boyfriend – have fought damn hard to make sure that the word gay is something people shouldn’t be afraid of, or mock, and this sort of high profile ‘coming out’ where he says ‘OF COURSE I still fancy girls’ (therefore implying that it’s really bad if boys don’t fancy girls, even the ones who are actually gay) does nothing to help that cause.

    And, while I’m at it, how many straight people do you know who struggled with their identity at the age of 19? The struggle with gay/bisexual people comes from fear, and fear stems from homophobia.

    I do, however, find encouragement when everyone knows that Tom is gay (or bisexual, though I really do think he’s gay) and just rolls their eyes when I say, ‘but Tom refuses to be labelled.’

    Oh and while I’m at it, Foppishgay… what on earth are you on about with your bizarre comment, ‘Those who fought for gay rights fought against being labelled’? No, they fought for gay rights. That’s ‘gay’ rights. Not black rights, or Jewish rights, or Native Indian rights, or non-specific rights, but GAY rights.

    GAY is not a dirty word, people.

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  19. Dustin Lance Black? Seriously? Oh dear

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  20. Sure it illustrates TD’s homophobia that he won’t label himself or his relationship as ‘gay’, but I find it a bit insensitive to blame him for that. Is it not the social pressures he is under that have caused him to be so afraid? Shouldn’t they be our target? He’s 19 for crying out loud and probably scared of what this means for him – if that includes his earning potential, what’s wrong with that? I hope he’ll eventually get over the internalised homophobia he has soon enough. Haven’t we all had to do that at some point? Does that not mean we need to work harder – all of us – to combat the culture we live in? I suspect TD will get there eventually and, regardless of the weaknesses in his approach, he has made a contribution already.

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  21. Some people are assuming some glorious naivety with Tom, that he is confused and should be adored because of his youth and, ergo, relative ignorance and confusion.
    No. Tom knows exactly what he is doing.
    This is a brilliant PR campaign that has been brewing for months and coming to perfect fruition, buffered by a very powerful Hollywood LGBT mover and shaker.

    I agree JB, there are really great elements to this, in that the ‘normalisation’ of gay relationships is a brilliant thing, especially with a young person, even if there are some cynical ploys behind it that are money- and career-oriented. However, I do think a refusal to use the word gay is offensive to the millions of gay people out there, including those who are scared to say they’re gay in case they get their heads kicked in. So yes, it is a homophobic culture’s fault but Tom has bowed to this culture, rather than given it two fingers.

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  22. Peseta, the difference lies in what you and I each refer to when he says “it”. I refer to his state of mind, you refer to his relationship. So, yes, he’s in a gay relationship and may be in many more over the years. OR he may fancy a girl down the line sometime. Here is where I’m happy for him not to label “it” (his state of mind, to be clear).

    I’m quite glad to be called gay but I also don’t feel that others need to be if they don’t identify with it themselves.

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  23. Geez. How fucking brilliant were *any* of you when you were nineteen?

    Give the guy a break.

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  24. whatever he calls/labels it, whatever you call/label it…. I’d bum him x

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