This man here will not let the gays eat cake. No ma’am. No way, no how. Not on his watch. Not over – or even off of – his dead body.
He’s not concerned for gay waistlines (listen, it’s tough out there if you’re not a bear – which he may or may not be) or gay blood sugar levels or the fact that the examples of his work seen here behind him do not come up to sky-high gay standards of taste and decency. No, it’s because Jesus told him not to. That Jesus, eh? Nothing but trouble.
And when told by legal beagles that he really couldn’t go around discriminating like that, not taking orders for wedding cakes (even really ugly ones!) from the gays, he stamped his little Mary Janes and said that in that case he was going to shut up shop.
Couldn’t he go on a hunger strike while he’s about it?
And aren’t you proud that we got through that whole story without once saying ‘let them eat cake’?
'I will not serve the gays!' says the dolliest cake-maker in all of Colorado,