Michael Sam is an American football player, that game that doesn’t involve feet touching round balls much.
Michael Sam is 24, likes to wear his penis to the left, and is a defensive lineman at Missouri, which apparently isn’t the same as being a Wichita lineman. And he just came out as gay.
‘I looked in their eyes, and they just started shaking their heads — like, finally, he came out,’ Michael told The New York Times.
This is big news not only because of what we’re all thinking *pats hair* but because Michael Sam is one of those rare American sportsmen who has come out before hitting the big *pats hair* time *pats hair*. He’s likely to be drafted (well it does look like hard work) into the NFL in, oh, soon, making him the first publicly gay player in the *checks notes* NFL.
‘I just want to make sure I could tell my story the way I want to tell it. I just want to own my truth.’
Just don’t go changin’ with Jonathan Vilma though, will you love. He thinks all gays want his nines, perish the thought.
Michael Sam. Big, hot and gay.,