If you believe in the baby Jesus and are thinking of becoming a baker, forget it. We will close your shit down!

Thinning hair? Moi?

Bakers worldwide – up to and including Cheryl, pictured – are living in fear of the gays, apparently. And it’s not just them. It’s butchers, those bakers, candlestick-makers, photographers, teachers, innkeepers, even florists for heck’s sake, and they are mostly gay themselves. All. Barely dare to get out of bed because of the gays.

That’s what the American Family Association – a sane, reasonable bunch of highly intellectual people – is saying as it launches a new app so Christians can pounce en masse the minute one of their number is threatened by the gays. Because, as readers of this site will know, Christians are always the victims. You only have to look at their symbol – a man being killed on a cross – to know that.

‘Many Christians choose self-employed careers because they want to be able to run their business according to the dictates of their faith and conscience,’ said the nice man from AFA. They want to be able to beat their slaves, stone their daughters to death and discriminate against gays as per God’s great plan. But are they allowed to? No siree bob, they are not. For why? Not because there are no slaves and because murder of one’s daughters is looked down upon. But because the gays are really aggressive. Shocking they are. We won’t have them in the house. Not even with paper down.

‘That list [of safe careers] is quickly shrinking as homosexuals pro-actively seek opportunities to wreck the personal business and career of any Christian who declines to support the gay lifestyle,’ they went on, failing to wipe the drool from the corners of their mouths. ‘Don’t be fooled.’ Oh! ‘This is a focused effort to ostracise and humiliate faith-based businesses and their owners.’

So, there you have it, you naughty gays. Leave the Christians alone! After all, what harm have they ever done you?

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If you believe in the baby Jesus and are thinking of becoming a baker, forget it. We will close your shit down!, 8.2 out of 10 based on 5 ratings

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