1. She knows and likes David Cameron. Yes, you know him as a pie-faced cunt but Helena Bonham Carter thinks David Cameron is ‘incredibly witty, incredibly bright and incredibly genuine.’ Honey, you’re either genuine or you’re not but pedantry apart, she even likes Samantha Cameron. ‘But actually both those people are immaculate. They have an amazing sense of humour and sense of proportion, and they are people to be taken seriously.’ We rest our Louis Vuitton case, m’lord. And it’s not a knock-off. OK, it is. Who would be so silly as to buy a real LV? Do we look like Lil Kim? Don’t answer that…
2. She’s married to Tim Burton, whose idea of movie making is bung everyone in lots of teenage-goth eyeliner and roll the cameras.
3. She only gets films because her husband is Tim Burton and never mind whether – as in the case of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street – she’s decades out on the age of the character and can’t sing for toffees. Even she didn’t bother going to see it.
4. She looks like she needs a bloody good wash. We don’t mind kooky clothes but they do need the occasional rinse through.
5. OK, we could only think of four.
Five reasons we think we're over Helena Bonham Carter,