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Now let’s listen to a country tune about a woman pushing her daughter into prostitution. It’s called ‘Fancy’ and you know what? It actually is!

It’s Bobbie Gentry and doesn’t she look like the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz before she turns round?

Altogether now… ‘Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and they’ll be nice to you…’ It’s like she’s reading our rule book!

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Rating: 7.3/10 (7 votes cast)

Mmmm, look at these delicious cakes made for the greater glory of Jesus Christ our *checks notes* Lord!

They look almost good enough to [enter your own verb here]

Don’t they look tasty in delicious blacks and blues, two of our favourite food colours?

And look at the intricate work that has gone into them. Angels must surely have had a hand – or maybe even a wing – in the making of these beauties from the bakery that brought you – or more accurately DIDN’T bring you – a cake for lesbians.

Yes, patisserie fans, these are cakes from, Sweet Cakes (as against Savoury Cakes, their biggest rival) the bakery that was closed down in the bustling, sophisticated town of Gresham, Ohio because it refused to make some lesbians a cake. Apparently, Jesus didn’t want them to, though we can’t imagine the sort of Jesus that wouldn’t want lesbians to have cake. He’d have to be a monster!

Regrouping to their own probably lovely home (we’re imagining a palette of peaches and natural wood cabinets, lots of doilies and perhaps some teddies wearing T-shirts that say ‘Jesus woves me’), Aaron and Melissa Klein (who look like they’ve been licking out a few too many bowls if you ask us…) are still in business.

In fact, they made these sumptuous creations for the Restored Hope Network, a group of God-botherers whose avowed intention is to turn the gays away from penis and towards Our Lord the Baby Jesus, an organisation the Kleins deem to be ‘a wonderful ministry!’ while they consider lesbians to be an ‘abomination unto the Lord’ (that’s how they still talk in Gresham, Ohio), even though we’ve been through and through our much flicked Bible and have found no mention of lesbians at all. Not even lipstick ones.

What would Jesus say, we wonder. More importantly, what would Mary Berry say?

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Rating: 8.5/10 (6 votes cast)

Let’s say happy birthday to Kate Bush by watching the video for The Man with the Child in his Eyes

Little known fact: the ‘he’s here, he’s here’ on the single, isn’t on the album version. Amaze your friends with that detail…

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Rating: 9.9/10 (7 votes cast)

Selfie du jour

Tidy that room!
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Rating: 7.7/10 (29 votes cast)

And in today’s sports news…

White's right!

Wrestling. And an uppy!

And that concludes today’s sports news…

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Rating: 9.6/10 (19 votes cast)

Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett do ‘Anything Goes’ and it ain’t none too shabby! Here’s what he said to us about her and Bieber

It’s ‘Anything Goes’, it’s the first single from their album of standards and while we don’t get the Cher wig and find her a little shouty on this – though there is a flavour of the madness of an early Liza, we would venture – when we spoke to Tony Bennett in his New York studio earlier this year, he had nothing but praise…

‘She’s very good,’ he said. Very good indeed. ‘She’s very close to Ella Fitzgerald who I consider the best in the world and she sings wonderfully…’ Not too sure we’d go quite that far… ‘She was wonderful. A terrific person and very talented.’

But Mr. B does know how to choose them. We suggested maybe a duet with Justin Bieber, who always seems such a nice young man/total twanny [delete as applicable] at which he laughed… ‘Well, he’s got his thing and I’ve got mine. I just stay away from him. I’m old enough now to know to stay away from trouble.’

And talent vacuums.

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Rating: 7.2/10 (5 votes cast)

Yes, and you have a nice day too!

Nice people God does business with!

And there’s us thinking that HIV was strictly a 20th century thing and then we go and find out it’s only in your actual Bible! Well, you live and learn. Or live and DON’T learn, in some people’s cases.

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Rating: 9.8/10 (6 votes cast)

Never mind Tom Daley, did you know that at the age of 20 Jason Statham was a Commonwealth Games diver? Here’s the Speedo evidence!

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Rating: 8.9/10 (8 votes cast)