Don’t they look tasty in delicious blacks and blues, two of our favourite food colours?
And look at the intricate work that has gone into them. Angels must surely have had a hand – or maybe even a wing – in the making of these beauties from the bakery that brought you – or more accurately DIDN’T bring you – a cake for lesbians.
Yes, patisserie fans, these are cakes from, Sweet Cakes (as against Savoury Cakes, their biggest rival) the bakery that was closed down in the bustling, sophisticated town of Gresham, Ohio because it refused to make some lesbians a cake. Apparently, Jesus didn’t want them to, though we can’t imagine the sort of Jesus that wouldn’t want lesbians to have cake. He’d have to be a monster!
Regrouping to their own probably lovely home (we’re imagining a palette of peaches and natural wood cabinets, lots of doilies and perhaps some teddies wearing T-shirts that say ‘Jesus woves me’), Aaron and Melissa Klein (who look like they’ve been licking out a few too many bowls if you ask us…) are still in business.
In fact, they made these sumptuous creations for the Restored Hope Network, a group of God-botherers whose avowed intention is to turn the gays away from penis and towards Our Lord the Baby Jesus, an organisation the Kleins deem to be ‘a wonderful ministry!’ while they consider lesbians to be an ‘abomination unto the Lord’ (that’s how they still talk in Gresham, Ohio), even though we’ve been through and through our much flicked Bible and have found no mention of lesbians at all. Not even lipstick ones.
What would Jesus say, we wonder. More importantly, what would Mary Berry say?
Mmmm, look at these delicious cakes made for the greater glory of Jesus Christ our *checks notes* Lord!,